I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
