Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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