Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
