god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
