Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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