Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
