do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
