I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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