and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
