dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
