Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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