I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
