how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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