this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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