Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize