Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
