can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
