So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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