i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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