I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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