Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
