i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
