You just made me feel so damn special
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize