I'm going to jail i love you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
