so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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