Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
