theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize