im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize