Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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