I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
