Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
