found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
