i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
