I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
