like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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