Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My bed smells like the plague
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
