if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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