what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize