my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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