I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize