My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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