He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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