You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
