What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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