that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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