Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize