I got chris browned last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
