Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
