Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
