I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
