he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
