I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize