worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
