dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize