Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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