god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
