Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize