I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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