this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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