I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
