Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
