I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently you make a good broom.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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