Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
