He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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