Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
